Maureen Butler
Posted May 03, 2020 at 02:22pm
Remembering Brandon
– Maureen Butler May 3, 2020
I’m thinking about Brandon today as I look at our fireplace here in North Vancouver, where Mr Giraffe sits. Mr Giraffe is made of a few toilet paper rolls, painted yellow with pieces of brown paper stuck on for spots, some yellow construction paper ears and an impish half smile. A few years ago, on one of our visits to Toronto, Brandon gave us Mr Giraffe, his artwork from his school program. We were so touched to receive this gift, something Brandon commonly did- give things away. On that visit, he showed us a lot of his art, and he kept smiling and trying to give all the pieces to his grandfather. Giving things away seemed to be one of Brandon’s favourite things to do. I heard that one year at Hallowe’en, he was very happy to be at home and give away the candy, even though he had a costume. I think he liked to give to others to make them happy. His generosity and the way he thought about others is not very common in this world.
Brandon seemed to love it when our family got together in Toronto. Doung remembers family dinners in restaurants. Brandon would usually order Coke, a treat, and he would eat heartily. He was a person of few words, but there was a calmness about his spirit at these dinners, even when the restaurant was busy, as if he had done his work to bring the family together. That was what mattered most to him. In these pandemic days, we have all come to realize what Brandon already knew- that family is more important than anything. Doung says that Brandon wanted him to pay the bill, which makes me laugh. It was as if Brandon knew what we needed to be happy: get together as a family for delicious food and conversation and don’t argue over who pays!
Brandon had a special love for Anna. I remember the first time we met him in High Park in Toronto, when he was about 5 and Anna was 10. He was just a little boy then, excited to run around on the grass with her. Simple things delighted him. And in the past few years, at his home, he liked sitting beside Anna when she visited. He also loved sitting beside his grandfather, and their special connection was lovely to see. Gung Gung and Brandon communicated so well without many words.
We were all honoured to attend Brandon’s graduation last October, something he had been talking about excitedly for months. Anna and I sat at the restaurant dinner with Herb and Brandon, who was looking very handsome and grown up (he was always a great dresser!) He eagerly dug into the food as I asked Herb about Brandon’s new day program. Herb said that the facilitators aimed to find what each person liked to do. One woman wanted to learn to bake, so the group started baking. Another guy wanted to do weight lifting, so they all did that. “What does Brandon like?” I asked. Herb smiled and said “they said he likes everything!” This is another lesson we can all learn from Brandon: be grateful for everything in your life. He certainly was.
After the dinner we went to the ceremony, which was long. Students in the regular program won multiple awards, and I was struck by the fact that Brandon wouldn’t win anything. I wondered if that would bother him. After an hour and a half, I worried that Brandon would be getting restless. Finally, at the end of the evening, Brandon walked up to the stage with his wonderful teacher, and he was just so thrilled to be there in his cap and gown to get his certificate. As a teacher who has taught many nonacademic students, I think that Brandon was in a sense a true scholar. A scholar isn’t the student who easily gets the A’s. A scholar is a student who works really hard just to finish, to complete. It was a great evening, and Brandon was the shining star.
In the last hours of Brandon’s life, Henry messaged us, saying “Brandon had a hard time making friends, but he always wanted to belong. He knew he was different but was always wanting to be accepted.” You, his parents, have been through so much with him and have seen other sides of Brandon that we didn’t see. I’m sad to think about what it was like for Brandon to be different and try to belong, and yet he was often so happy. This is amazing to me. Brandon’s life was too short, but he made the very best of it. We would all do well to follow in his footsteps.
Remembering Brandon and what really mattered to him can help us for the rest of our lives on this earth. His life and his character can remind us of the real value of a human life. We don’t need degrees, important jobs, fancy houses or money to matter in this world. We just need to touch the lives of others, as Brandon did every day.
We really miss him.
Maureen, Doung and Anna